12 Jun 2016  Posted in Mind & Body

In 2014, I published two blog posts explaining blessings and energy of love will improve relationships with others.  Recently, I was touched by reading a book and would like to share more experiences about improving difficult relationships.  There are 2 main points which I will explain – stop complaining bad things and practise kind deeds.

Stop Complaining

To resolve difficult relationship, firstly, is to stop complaining verbally and repeated negative thinking in mind.  Verbal complaints not only create negative imprints in one’s mind but also trigger hatred and dissatisfaction in others’ minds.  And, energy of hatred and dissatisfaction will be returned back to the original creators.


Even though one recalls memories of hatred again and again, it generates negative energy accumulated in a liver and a body.  It not only causes sickness gradually, but also attracts negative people. 


We will receive what we have given.  We will not receive what we have not given.


In past, I was scolded by a few ex-colleagues in different workplaces because in my mind, I was complaining my co-workers whom did not help me or whom treated me badly – this is a bad sample and I share this example to ask all readers not to follow and not to complain someone in your mind.   

I have heard some people who did something bad on others have been treated in the same way by others days or years later.  For example,…

l   Someone, who was habitually scolding at others continuously for 5 minutes, had being scolded by the other person more than 5 minutes.  

l   Someone, who asked a colleague to resign, was asked to resign in the same workplace.


Usually, people who have done such deeds have not realized they will be treated the same way some day.  They also do not realize this is something they shall avoid.  This is important to review every event of our live and transform our negative traits or personality traits which will put obstacles on us in future.  Stop Complaining and stop recalling negative memories will cease all difficult relationships in a long run.

Express Kindness From the Bottom of Your Heart

If you are kind to anyone, you will be treated with kindness.  If your kindness is expressed to everyone and proved to be done with sincerity, it will also improve relationships gradually.


When I was a youngster at school, I was really craving for others to care about me.   At that time, I only cared about myself.  I rarely cared about my schoolmates.  Therefore, I did not have many close friends at schools.  There were several times that I was being misunderstood by some of my schoolmates.  In some cases, I had bad relationships with two or three schoolmates.  Afterwards, I did not have close friends in different workplaces. 


Since 2012, I have understood why people are suffering in the world and try to find ways to help them directly or indirectly.   When I have learnt some ways to help others, I keep doing so continuously – I just realize I have already done that for 2 years.  If that is no harm to help, I will just do it right away.  I try my best to treat everyone equally and help others I feel it is right to help. 


Therefore, I keep this practice anytime and anywhere including my current workplace.  In the office, I will help as long as it does not go against my company’s objectives.  For example, I accepted the late payment of my first salary from my current employer as they made this mistake unintentionally and paid the first salary for the first employee initially in my home town.  I translated emails for my suppliers.  I allowed an accounting firm to answer a question a month later when it was not urgent to answer.  I have done these because I understood their situations.  Recently, some people who worked with me in different work places complimented me.   Before 2014, no one complimented me in my work places.   There were times that a co-worker stabbed at my back or colleagues was scolding at me.  I have totally turned it around.


Any aspects of your lives will be improved including relationships only if you whole heartedly practise and express your love to all beings equally.   When your intention is right, continuous actions will be more powerful than your mere thoughts and speeches.



Now, people around me are very nice to me.  In past, negative events lasted for years.   Now, if there are negative events happened on me, it will be gone very soon.   It has taken me 2 years to improve and meet nice people most of the time now.   Is it easy to stop complaining or express kindness?  We are easily influenced by the subtle energy in the environment we live and by habitual thinkings.  These seem to prevent us from changing our mind and behaviours.  In Confucian Analects, it talked about a principle that one has to review what he or she has done every day.  Through daily review, one will reduce and eliminate negative behaviours.   Humans tend to think negatively, therefore, daily review helps to focus on our mind and improve inner world rather than keep attaching to external world.

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