1 July 2014 Posted in Mind and Body
There was a period of time I was frustrated working in a company for living and working with a teammate whom deliberately opposed most of my suggestions. By that time, I was craving for a happy and successful life so I went into a library and borrowed a book related to NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) which the name of the book caught my attention. NLP techniques such as NLP Presuppositions and Positive Language have changed my life.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming is defined (by the Government of the Colorado State, USA)as:
"A detailed operational model of the processes involved in human behavior and communication. Although it is a not itself a psychotherapy, NLP's principles can be used to understand, and make changes in, any realm of human experience and activity. NLP, however, has been applied to therapeutic concerns, and the result is a powerful, rapid, and subtle technology for making extensive and lasting changes in human behavior and capacities. NLP deals with modifying and redesigning thinking patterns (for) flexibility and new capacities and abilities."
State of Colorado, U.S.A.
(Dept. of Regulatory Agencies)
NLP was new knowledge in my home town. It contained models of human excellence from Friz Perls (the creator of gestalt therapy), Virginia Satir (internationally renowned family therapist) and Milton Erickson (famour & successful psychiatrist). Therefore, I instinctively believed in NLP and adhered to the following 12 points:
1. No two people are the same.
2. One person cannot change another person.
3. Effectiveness is more important than righteousness.
4. The map is not the territory.
5. The meaning of communication is the response one gets.
6. Repeating the same behavior will repeat the same result.
7. There are at least three solutions to every situation.
8. Every one chooses the best behavior at the moment.
9. Everyone already possesses all the resources needed.
10. In any system, the most flexible person has the control.
11. There is no failure, only feedback.
12. Intentions and emotions are never wrong, only the behavior has not been effective.
You do NOT have to absolutely accept all NLP Presuppositions. On the contrary, you
Ø Assume all NLP Presuppositions are true temporary.
Ø Handle problems with the assumed attitudes generated from all NLP Presuppositions when encounter problems.
Ø Review the effectiveness of the assumed attitudes.
Ø Decide whether applies the assumed attitudes next time.
The Key Point is:
Learn the Effectiveness of Assumed NLP Presuppositions Yourself by Experiments
I joined a NLP foundation course organised by a university. The tutor of the course taught a new NLP Presupposition which one of my classmates rejected.
Every behaviour has a positive intention.
Afterwards, I had a chat with my friend about this NLP presupposition and my friend replied "At Birth, people are naturally kind hearted"(from Three Character Classic). This was a wake-up call for me. One’s beliefs, values and behaviours change after a long time of different life experiences. Since then, I insisted to practise NLP techniques for years. Honestly, I did not understand some of NLP Presuppositions at the beginning.
When I had conflicts with others, I put myself into his or her own shoes:
l Try to find out the belief behind one’s conversation or behaviour.
l Learn one’s life experiences leading to a certain kind of character.
l Imagine that if I were him or her, what I would have to do during the same argument.
The purpose of doing these steps is similar to someone who watches a diamond from more than one direction. From different directions, the diamond reflects different colours which represent different point of views. The more one has gone through these 3 steps, the more forgiveness and sympathy arise. Therefore, I realised the effectiveness of NLP Presuppositions through trials.
The other essential NLP techniques is “Positive Language” related to Beliefs System.
It is very important to think and speak positively because our brain only accepts positive words. For example, one asks oneself “Not to be scared”. At the end, one feels very scared, shivering and crying.
To change our thinking through positive language, we delete the word “NO” in every conversation. For example:
When you use positive language for a period of time, you will find yourself feeling happier and doing jobs more efficiently. In fact, you will discover successful people always use positive language. Changing the nature of the conversations into positive ones can help to change one's attitude. For people who always use negative language, this technique can help them to improve their life.
Applying NLP Presuppositions and nurturing “Positive Language” can realize your own belief system, understand yourself more and ultimately change your life. One of my teachers told me
“ It takes 30 days to change a habit”
You may persist to practice NLP techniques for about three years or more to transform yourself in order to enjoy happy life in future. However, it is really worthwhile.
There are other NLP techniques which are useful and powerful. You will found out a comprehensive introduction of NLP from the following two books:
Joseph O’Connor & Joseph Seymour
The NLP Comprehensive Training Team, Edited by Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner
Spirituality and Hearing, Pondering, Cultivating & Verifying.